Friday, January 18, 2008
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
"buy you a drink"
last week was fall break here, at hamilton college. taking advantage of our ridiculously too short time off, i went home to providence and a friend came along for the ride. i had him make an mp3 cd, so that we'd have some good driving music. one of the songs was T Pain's "buy you a drink."
i was pleasantly surprised because this was one of my favorite songs this summer, despite the fact that it was over played. i normally don't like it when the radio broadcasters decide to destroy songs like "hey there delilah" (which i really liked, until i heard it over 4 times in one day... for three weeks in a row... "oh, it's what you do to me.") for profit. T Pain's song, however, worked for some reason.
this summer, i was at hamilton doing research. every day for lunch, i'd hop in the car and drive down the hill to get my mid-day coffee and bagel with butter. every time i descended college hill, "buy you a drink" came on the radio. perfect timing.
the intro, which is reminiscent of "do your ears hang low" has a nostalgic, and therefore enrapturing effect. so, by the time i am halfway down the hill, i am happily jammin' out to this nostalgia inducing tune. there's nothing like contemporary music appropriating sounds and rhythms from childhood class jams!
then we hear, "snap your fingers." "OK!" at which point i immediately start snapping my fingers. the power of suggestion at work! the first line of the song engages me directly and suggests that i join in on the action and snap away as i go to get my coffee.
what's best is that he then reminds me to keep my eyes on the road and that i can succeed in my mission:
"do your stare; you can do this all by yourself."
a gentle reminder and words of encouragement from my friendly pop artist: the perfect mid-day pick-me-up! kudos, T Pain!
then, much to my surprise,T Pain says, "i'ma buy you a drank."
"excellent! i was just on my way to get one. thank you for your generous offer! but are you aware that 'drank' is not a noun? it's actually the past tense of the verb 'to drink.' that's OK, you're buying so you can call it whatever you want!"
on the way to the coffee shop, we continue our dialog:
T Pain: "i'ma buy you a drank ooh wee; ooooh i'ma take you home with me; i got money in the bank; shawty, what you think 'bout that?"
me: "well, honestly, sir, i don't think it would be appropriate for me to go home with you. but i think that the fact that you have money in the bank is very admirable. i'm glad to see you saving money and setting a good example for young impressionable people, such as myself. did you know that america has one of the lowest savings rates in the world? even china has a higher savings rate!"
after i order my coffee and return to the office, we finish our conversation and say our goodbyes. and then it hits me: somehow, during the course of our dialog we ended up "in the bed like ooo oo"!
clearly, this artist knows how to get people's attention. i mean, i ended up in bed with him every day despite the fact that i knew his methodology of manipulation:
1. engage the me by asking me to snap along
2. remind me to be responsible and encourage me in my endeavors
3. offer me a drink and engage me in titillating conversation
4. show bank statements to prove your financial security
5. talk about high-end liquor and offer more drinks
6. take your subject home
7. go to bed like ooo oo!
8. say goodbye and repeat the same procedure three times a day, every day
justifying my guilty pleasures with T Pain during my lunch break is easy because he makes it so.
i will never forget my summer memories with T Pain, and for that i thank him and the radio station that made it possible.
here's a link to the music video for this song, that works. i hope you enjoy it as much as i do...
i was pleasantly surprised because this was one of my favorite songs this summer, despite the fact that it was over played. i normally don't like it when the radio broadcasters decide to destroy songs like "hey there delilah" (which i really liked, until i heard it over 4 times in one day... for three weeks in a row... "oh, it's what you do to me.") for profit. T Pain's song, however, worked for some reason.
this summer, i was at hamilton doing research. every day for lunch, i'd hop in the car and drive down the hill to get my mid-day coffee and bagel with butter. every time i descended college hill, "buy you a drink" came on the radio. perfect timing.
the intro, which is reminiscent of "do your ears hang low" has a nostalgic, and therefore enrapturing effect. so, by the time i am halfway down the hill, i am happily jammin' out to this nostalgia inducing tune. there's nothing like contemporary music appropriating sounds and rhythms from childhood class jams!
then we hear, "snap your fingers." "OK!" at which point i immediately start snapping my fingers. the power of suggestion at work! the first line of the song engages me directly and suggests that i join in on the action and snap away as i go to get my coffee.
what's best is that he then reminds me to keep my eyes on the road and that i can succeed in my mission:
"do your stare; you can do this all by yourself."
a gentle reminder and words of encouragement from my friendly pop artist: the perfect mid-day pick-me-up! kudos, T Pain!
then, much to my surprise,T Pain says, "i'ma buy you a drank."
"excellent! i was just on my way to get one. thank you for your generous offer! but are you aware that 'drank' is not a noun? it's actually the past tense of the verb 'to drink.' that's OK, you're buying so you can call it whatever you want!"
on the way to the coffee shop, we continue our dialog:
T Pain: "i'ma buy you a drank ooh wee; ooooh i'ma take you home with me; i got money in the bank; shawty, what you think 'bout that?"
me: "well, honestly, sir, i don't think it would be appropriate for me to go home with you. but i think that the fact that you have money in the bank is very admirable. i'm glad to see you saving money and setting a good example for young impressionable people, such as myself. did you know that america has one of the lowest savings rates in the world? even china has a higher savings rate!"
after i order my coffee and return to the office, we finish our conversation and say our goodbyes. and then it hits me: somehow, during the course of our dialog we ended up "in the bed like ooo oo"!
clearly, this artist knows how to get people's attention. i mean, i ended up in bed with him every day despite the fact that i knew his methodology of manipulation:
1. engage the me by asking me to snap along
2. remind me to be responsible and encourage me in my endeavors
3. offer me a drink and engage me in titillating conversation
4. show bank statements to prove your financial security
5. talk about high-end liquor and offer more drinks
6. take your subject home
7. go to bed like ooo oo!
8. say goodbye and repeat the same procedure three times a day, every day
justifying my guilty pleasures with T Pain during my lunch break is easy because he makes it so.
i will never forget my summer memories with T Pain, and for that i thank him and the radio station that made it possible.
here's a link to the music video for this song, that works. i hope you enjoy it as much as i do...
Monday, October 8, 2007
i'm going to DIE in seven DAYS (AKA: i watched ringu and nearly died).
i have just experienced two very surreal moments.
number 1:
i was in the cathedral of doom (the science center) attending my popular culture trends in asia class, during which we watched ringu, the original version of the ring. i sat in my normal seat, complacently watching the scene where the reporter, reiko asakawa, views the cursed tape for the first time. the look on her face post-viewing resembled that in the painting, the scream. all of a sudden we hear the ominous sound of a telephone ringing, and as terror floods both the face of asakawa and the atmosphere of 2017... my phone vibrates, alerting me that i have received a text message. in fact, my phone's vibration coincided perfectly with the first ring tone in the film.
what a jarring experience!
number 2:
after being completely freaked out, i left the cathedral of doom and headed to the bookstore to buy a book for my anthropology class. as i approached the building housing the store, it started to rain. luckily i had my umbrella, but seeing as how i was ten feet from the building i decided to sprint to shelter.
i reemerged from bristol noting that the rain had ceased within the five minutes i was there. i looked straight ahead, towards south and saw deanne walking directly towards me. i gave her a quizzical look and said, "five minutes ago, it was raining quite heavily."
"it's me. i make the rain disappear," she replied.
"don't leave my side! i don't enjoy rain!"
we parted ways, i headed towards my dorm and deanne proceeded to enter bristol. as soon as she passed the threshold, it started to rain again.
conclusion:
life is full of surprising and coincidental experiences, exchanges and transactions. also, if i die in one week, we all know why: the cursed video.
number 1:
i was in the cathedral of doom (the science center) attending my popular culture trends in asia class, during which we watched ringu, the original version of the ring. i sat in my normal seat, complacently watching the scene where the reporter, reiko asakawa, views the cursed tape for the first time. the look on her face post-viewing resembled that in the painting, the scream. all of a sudden we hear the ominous sound of a telephone ringing, and as terror floods both the face of asakawa and the atmosphere of 2017... my phone vibrates, alerting me that i have received a text message. in fact, my phone's vibration coincided perfectly with the first ring tone in the film.
what a jarring experience!
number 2:
after being completely freaked out, i left the cathedral of doom and headed to the bookstore to buy a book for my anthropology class. as i approached the building housing the store, it started to rain. luckily i had my umbrella, but seeing as how i was ten feet from the building i decided to sprint to shelter.
i reemerged from bristol noting that the rain had ceased within the five minutes i was there. i looked straight ahead, towards south and saw deanne walking directly towards me. i gave her a quizzical look and said, "five minutes ago, it was raining quite heavily."
"it's me. i make the rain disappear," she replied.
"don't leave my side! i don't enjoy rain!"
we parted ways, i headed towards my dorm and deanne proceeded to enter bristol. as soon as she passed the threshold, it started to rain again.
conclusion:
life is full of surprising and coincidental experiences, exchanges and transactions. also, if i die in one week, we all know why: the cursed video.
Friday, August 3, 2007
facebook, you've crossed the line
8:47:38 AM facebook: X-User (AIM screen name) has invited you to join Facebook:
https://register.facebook.com/signup/
You can use Facebook to see the profiles of the people around you, share photos, and connect with friends.
Already on Facebook? Login here.
You can also reply "menu" for more options.
8:47:38 AM ME (Autoreply): away: "why is every skydiving acrobat so supa-fly?"
8:47:39 AM facebook: The Facebook bot sends IM invites from your friends when they invite you to join Facebook.
If you are not on Facebook, please sign up now.
You can add the Facebook bot to your Buddy List, or type "menu" for more options.
i cannot believe this! facebook, where do you get off sending me an IM telling me to join your social networking service? don't you know that just like cell phone text messaging, people DO NOT like receiving unsolicited instant messages. granted, you have the right and ability to do so, but that doesn't mean that people enjoy receiving these messages.
moreover, i am already a member of the site. so why did your unintelligent bot IM me anyway? bad move. you just proved that you really don't know who your users are, nor do you care about what they like or dislike (let's not mention annoying the hell out of us). it's very apparent by now that you, facebook, are just like myspace: in it for the bejamins, striving to reach the "greatness" of internet mogul google. well, you're pissing off a lot of people, your people, along the way.
your site, along with many others (myspace) has turned into a threat. it has prevented people from getting hired. it allows our information to be bought and sold more easily than most realize. and now, it is pretending to be my friend by imming me.
facebook, you are not my friend. you are a service that i use to keep in touch with my real friends. and as such, i expect certain things from you. i expect my privacy to be respected. i expect that when you add a new feature, you will first ask me whether i want it activated rather than annoying the hell out of me with little surprises while i enjoy (or was enjoying) a nice cup of coffee. i expect that you will treat myself and others with the respect and dignity that we deserve and also that you will realize and remember that your site can fail just as quickly as it succeeded. i expect that you will knock off this nonsense and go back to what you do well: connecting people without the clutter and crap.
keep it up, facebook. keep it simple (NOT CREEPY), and keep your users.
https://register.facebook.com/signup/
You can use Facebook to see the profiles of the people around you, share photos, and connect with friends.
Already on Facebook? Login here.
You can also reply "menu" for more options.
8:47:38 AM ME (Autoreply): away: "why is every skydiving acrobat so supa-fly?"
8:47:39 AM facebook: The Facebook bot sends IM invites from your friends when they invite you to join Facebook.
If you are not on Facebook, please sign up now.
You can add the Facebook bot to your Buddy List, or type "menu" for more options.
i cannot believe this! facebook, where do you get off sending me an IM telling me to join your social networking service? don't you know that just like cell phone text messaging, people DO NOT like receiving unsolicited instant messages. granted, you have the right and ability to do so, but that doesn't mean that people enjoy receiving these messages.
moreover, i am already a member of the site. so why did your unintelligent bot IM me anyway? bad move. you just proved that you really don't know who your users are, nor do you care about what they like or dislike (let's not mention annoying the hell out of us). it's very apparent by now that you, facebook, are just like myspace: in it for the bejamins, striving to reach the "greatness" of internet mogul google. well, you're pissing off a lot of people, your people, along the way.
your site, along with many others (myspace) has turned into a threat. it has prevented people from getting hired. it allows our information to be bought and sold more easily than most realize. and now, it is pretending to be my friend by imming me.
facebook, you are not my friend. you are a service that i use to keep in touch with my real friends. and as such, i expect certain things from you. i expect my privacy to be respected. i expect that when you add a new feature, you will first ask me whether i want it activated rather than annoying the hell out of me with little surprises while i enjoy (or was enjoying) a nice cup of coffee. i expect that you will treat myself and others with the respect and dignity that we deserve and also that you will realize and remember that your site can fail just as quickly as it succeeded. i expect that you will knock off this nonsense and go back to what you do well: connecting people without the clutter and crap.
keep it up, facebook. keep it simple (NOT CREEPY), and keep your users.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
coffee: stuck b/w a rock and a hard place
i've decided that dunkin donuts' coffee is insufficient for the time being. also, mcdonald's is closer to the hill, and with gas prices rising so much, it just makes sense to switch the morning blend.
i like my coffee relatively dark with less than the prescribed amount of sugar. i always order it with milk and one or two sugars. for some reason, neither the local DD nor mcD can get this right.
"i'd like a medium (flavor) coffee with milk and X sugar(s). thank you."
for the past THREE DAYS my coffee has had cream in it (at both DD and mcD). last time i checked, "milk" does not sound like "cream." for the past THREE DAYS i have paid money for an incorrectly prepared coffee. i'd return it, but i don't have enough time in the morning or on my lunch hour (aka: 45 minutes).
i shouldn't HAVE to return it. i place an order, thus enacting a contract, and exchange moneys for product(s) received. i choose to buy coffee in the morning because i don't always have the time to make it on my own. i don't understand why these places consistently screw over their customers by defaulting on their terms of the contract; mainly that they will prepare the product according to the customers' indicated specifications.
if i didn't need coffee to function first thing in the morning, i would not go back. i'm literally stuck between that stupid rock (DD) and equally annoying hard place (mcD).
i realize this is a completely trivial gripe, but at the heart of it is a serious problem: if americans allow for little things like this (companies taking advantage of our lack of time and need for efficiency and coffee) to happen without speaking up, what about those big things? customer service in this country is crap, and i think this attitude (the one where customers are insignificant craps on the sidewalk) overlaps with and extends into every aspect of american culture and society (politics included).
my laundry's done. later.
i like my coffee relatively dark with less than the prescribed amount of sugar. i always order it with milk and one or two sugars. for some reason, neither the local DD nor mcD can get this right.
"i'd like a medium (flavor) coffee with milk and X sugar(s). thank you."
for the past THREE DAYS my coffee has had cream in it (at both DD and mcD). last time i checked, "milk" does not sound like "cream." for the past THREE DAYS i have paid money for an incorrectly prepared coffee. i'd return it, but i don't have enough time in the morning or on my lunch hour (aka: 45 minutes).
i shouldn't HAVE to return it. i place an order, thus enacting a contract, and exchange moneys for product(s) received. i choose to buy coffee in the morning because i don't always have the time to make it on my own. i don't understand why these places consistently screw over their customers by defaulting on their terms of the contract; mainly that they will prepare the product according to the customers' indicated specifications.
if i didn't need coffee to function first thing in the morning, i would not go back. i'm literally stuck between that stupid rock (DD) and equally annoying hard place (mcD).
i realize this is a completely trivial gripe, but at the heart of it is a serious problem: if americans allow for little things like this (companies taking advantage of our lack of time and need for efficiency and coffee) to happen without speaking up, what about those big things? customer service in this country is crap, and i think this attitude (the one where customers are insignificant craps on the sidewalk) overlaps with and extends into every aspect of american culture and society (politics included).
my laundry's done. later.
youtube debates on CNN
short on time, but eric kuhn could not have said it better. will write more this weekend (hopefully).
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